Introspection
by The Bloody Countess
Summary: A collection of RK drabbles from my livejournal that I decided to post up for the lack of better ideas.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Longing  
**Day/Theme:** November 04 / Why I'm not where you are  
**Series:** Rurouni Kenshin  
**Character/Pairing:** Kaoru/Kenshin (well, Kaoru's thoughts on Kenshin)  
**Rating:** PG  
**Notes:** I don't own anything from Rurouni Kenshin. All characters, plots and other whatnots belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki. Taken from the Shishio Arc, just shortly after Kenshin leaves to fight.

* * *

I did not wish for you to leave. But you left anyway.

They came one day and asked for your help and you, having a gentle and kind-hearted spirit, agreed to go away to fight him.

I wanted to hate you for agreeing to help them. It was not your battle to fight, besides. I wanted to hate them for commanding something so dangerous of you, even long after you decided to sever ties with them.

You are living in a time where peace is within your grasp and you hold on to it with such care. Oh, it hurt so much when you said your goodbyes to me that night. The fireflies danced around your face and your eyes looked weary and sad, yet you straightened your shoulders and swore to protect the people you cared for.

I often looked into you eyes, and even when you smiled, there was always that infinite sadness I could see. I know I cannot ease your torment. How I wish it were that easy. Yet you carry that much weight upon your shoulders without a single word of complaint.

How I wish I could be that brave.

Yahiko told me that I should go after you.

But my heart is heavy and I am dreading that there will come a time that when I watch your back as you slowly walk away, it will be the last time I will ever see your figure fading into the sunset.

I cannot be where you are right now. You asked me to stay. Maybe it IS for my own good that I remain here.

But you have taken my heart with you.

And now that you are gone, I am afraid I may never get it back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Journeying Home  
**Day/Theme:** November 15 / A travelogue for exiles  
**Series:** Rurouni Kenshin  
**Character/Pairing:** Kenshin / Kaoru**  
Rating:** PG  
**Notes:** I don't own anything from Rurouni Kenshin. They all belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki. :)

* * *

I remember struggling.

I remember being on the edge of Rakuninmura, waiting for death.

The blade had cut deep though my side. My blood was pooling out on to the ground.

Then I saw your eyes in the darkness.

A clear, beautiful blue like the ocean's ebb.

And your voice sang in my head, sweet and melodic.

I came back.

You welcomed me...

_Tadaima._


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Letting Go**  
Day/Theme:** February 20: the blood that drips from heaven  
**Series:** Rurouni Kenshin  
**Character/Pairing:** Kaoru x Kenshin  
**Rating:** PG  
**Notes:** Standard disclaimers apply. I wish I owned the RK characters but I don't. XD More introspection and flashbacks on our rurouni's part. :)

* * *

"You really make it rain..."

His violet eyes widened in horror as he realized the gravity of her cold words.

"You really make it rain with blood..."

The chill of the night crept right to his bones as he stared wordlessly at her pale face, stained with blood of the man he had just slain. Her slate-grey eyes were boring twin holes into him, her mouth frozen in a small smile even as blood trickled from her cheek and to her lips.

His scar opened that night and bled.

* * *

Rakuninmura was a place for people who no longer cared about living or dying, that was what she knew of it. She had seen him sometimes struggling on the brink of madness and finding his way to that place. Her eyes glistened with tears as she listened to him slowly reveal his past, her chest aching from the pain she knew he must be feeling.

He had been so young... Too young to be caught up in a war...too young to stain his hands with blood.

"Sessha cannot forget," Kenshin whispered, gathering her in his arms. "Sessha's past is rooted in his soul along with his present and his future."

He had been married once, but the woman had not loved him wholly. But then Kaoru would never know what Tomoe had been thinking of and she refused to judge her memory. What mattered was that Kenshin was slowly letting go of what haunted him.

"Kenshin no baka..." She reached up to trace the cross-shaped scar on his cheek. "No matter what past you had or you sometimes wish you had, you will always be Kenshin."


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Stained Glass  
** Day/Theme:** February 13: a killing dance  
** Series:** Rurouni Kenshin  
** Character/Pairing:** Kenshin x Kaoru  
** Rating:** R  
** Notes:** Standard disclaimers apply. Set during the Revenge Arc.

* * *

He was sleeping quietly in the next room and she had all but spent most of the day tiptoeing back and forth there just to slide the shoji by a crack and check up on him. 

Kaoru heaved a small sigh of relief when she saw him still laying there, his torso covered in bandages. She was almost afraid that he would have gotten up and left her yet again. She already knew that if he left her once more, her heart would inevitably break. It was always like this...she'd get up early in the morning on impulse and rush to see if he was still there in his room.

She knew it was almost like not being able to trust him, but she had seen him leave so many times before and each moment that passed her by with his absence, she felt more afraid he would never be able to come back to her alive.

_'I know he promised. He always keeps his promises...but what if one day...?'_

What if one day he wouldn't come back?

* * *

The first night they spent together, she bled. It was expected, of course. He had been very gentle with her, whispering how much he needed her and how he always knew she was a strong woman...their first kiss was explosive, they fell into each other's arms with a longing that they could not understand. There was a hint of desperation in the way he clung to her, almost as if he was afraid. 

For one night, she beheld all of him; his real fears, his past, what continued to haunt him and she knew there would never be another one she could love as much as him.

But he had not told her that he loved her. Not that night.

And she realized she could not tell him, either.

* * *

_'We were both afraid.'_

They couldn't stand any more loss. There was only so much they could take in one lifetime.

Enishi had been mad; there was a crazed light in his eyes that did not go away, even after Kenshin had long won the battle. The dance of blades was still as clear as day in her mind; she could see how both men struggled to dominate the other through the art of the sword.

The cruelty of the man was what had nearly driven Kenshin over the edge. Yet when she reached out to reassure him, careful not to touch any of his wounds, the amber of the Hitokiri Battousai's eyes disappeared.

But for how long would it stay that way?

Kaoru could only look to the future with uncertainty.

"I won't let you bear all of this alone, Kenshin. We'll get to live this life together."

* * *

As he lay sleeping on the futon, his thoughts drifted in and out of dreams and he heard her faint voice through the shoji.

And he smiled, knowing that he was home and this was real.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Waiting at the Harbor  
**Day/Theme:** November 22 / I dwell with a strangely aching heart  
**Series:** Rurouni Kenshin  
**Character/Pairing:** Kaoru / Kenshin  
**Rating:** PG**  
Notes:** I don't own Kaoru or any other character from Rurouni Kenshin. They are all property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. Takes place during the OAV where Kenshin leaves Kaoru and Kenji, their son.

* * *

I asked you not to leave but you left anyway.

There was no need for you to do so. You had fought enough wars for them. Now was the time you could have devoted to your family...to us.

You had your son to think of, you had your wife to care for, you had friends who wanted to see you finally at peace and happy. But you said you had an obligation to protect us and you left yet again.

Today I wander through the dojo with a dull ache in my heart. My heart broke again the day you bid me goodbye. I cried silently after you had gone, but you told me you would be back.

If you were here, I would tell you that heartbreak never truly goes away and my heartbreak has not dissipated from when you left us that day. There is a dull throb now, replacing the sharp pains I first felt. When I remember your face and ache to feel you in my arms at night, the dull throb becomes a sharp pain again, lancing through my body until I cannot breathe.

You must realize that I long for you again. I want us safe and happy and away from all these troubles. I go everyday to the docks now to wait for your return. But each afternoon I come back unable to see your ship come into the bay.

But I hope against hope anyway. You are my life's blood now, as is our son.

He may have lost some hope that you will return, but I will hope for him as well.

I will hope for the both of us.

I will wait at the harbor for you until you return.


End file.
